


Lost Shadows

by Lakela



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, dark smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 15:16:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lakela/pseuds/Lakela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The news about Snape's death bring memories back to Petunia about the strange young man in love with her sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by lynchgrrrl88.

The news had come rather unexpectedly.

It’s not like anybody ever told _them_ anything, anyway.

Right from their arrival, Petunia had struggled to keep their lives as normal as possible. She had done all that was in her power to transform that dreadful place they had been exiled to, into a place her son could call _home,_ at least for the time being. The task hadn’t been easy; everything in that house seemed to have a mind of its own. And if there was something Vernon couldn’t tolerate, it was things he didn’t understand; magic was right there, head of the list of things that made the veins in his forehead pop out and his left eye twitch.

Fortunately, if there was something Petunia was good at, it was making a _home._ And if keeping magic at bay (or covering up for it) was what it took to make her loved ones feel at home, she would be the bloody best at it. That is why she deeply resented visits from any _them._ It made her task all the more difficult. Their manners were appalling, they had the most irritating habits and after one of their visits, Vernon was usually twice as hard to appease.

But this time was different. Mr. Diggle and Mrs. Jones had come to announce the war was over, the boy had done it, in less than a week they would be returned to their _real_ home.

This should have made Petunia happy, Dudley was mad with excitement and even Vernon smiled slightly, which he hadn’t done since their imposed exile – but she, she just couldn’t bring herself to feel happy. She had overheard them whisper something that just kept resonating in her head.

Severus. Dead.

" _I hear they're considering him for an Order of Merlin. Posthumous, of course. The poor man."_ The woman had whispered.

" _Indeed. Who could have guessed after… well you know.”_ The old man had agreed.

All the happiness she had felt only seconds ago about the prospect of going home was drained from her as her recently poured cup of tea crashed loudly against the floor tiles.

Dead.

Petunia numbly cleared the broken cup and politely saw her guests out. She cooked her family lunch and cleaned up after them when they were finished. She did everything she always did; only today it felt like she was only going through the motions.

He was dead.

Petunia locked the bathroom door behind her and unzipped her dress which dropped rather unceremoniously to the floor. Her stockings came next. She had beautiful legs, she thought; at least that, beautiful legs. But they hadn’t been enough for him. Never enough for him. Her bra fell silently to the floor, landing next to the tangled stockings. Her panties were next to join them. She stood naked in front of a tub full of hot water.

He was dead.

She entered the tub in a daze, barely aware the sound that came out of her when sensitive skin came in contact with the hot water. She laid her head back against the cold porcelain of the bathtub.

Dead.

She would _never_ see him again.

The boy who had loved her sister over her, even after her sister’s death, was dead. Him, too.

She was certain that his last thoughts must have been of Lily, of the woman he could never have, Lily, her beloved sister. His last thoughts must have been of Lily and not of the woman who actually loved him, the woman who made love to him when his loneliness was too much to bear, the woman who lived for him,a simple _muggle_ …

_“Lily is not here,” she said. “She doesn’t live here anymore. She married James, you_ _didn’t know?” Petunia offered with a triumphant smile._

_Severus looked furious and that made her feel powerful. "Of course I know," he snapped, and then mumbled something about "muggles" as if it was some kind of obscure insult, which it probably was. "I need to see her briefly and I will be on my way. I need to tell her something. It’s important."_

_Petunia didn't falter. She hated him even more than she hated her sister. He was the one who took her sister away from her. The reason her sister was different, the reason why she had been miserable all her life while her sister had had everything and anything she had ever asked for. But there was something about him, about those eyes hidden behind that curtain of black hair, about how vulnerable he seemed when he talked of Lily... There was something irresistibly mysterious about him. Maybe that’s what made her say it or maybe it was just because she wanted to find out how long the power she now had over him could last._

_“I expect she shall be here in an hour's time to pick up the remaining boxes of her belongings.” She said. It wasn’t true, but for some unexplainable reason, she needed to keep him around. A real wizard, those dark eyes…_

Petunia’s hand wandered over her tummy. The skin there was beginning to loosen. It was not the flat stomach it once had been… though not even then did anyone ever pay any attention to it. All her life trying to find the right dress or the new hairdo that would finally get someone to tell her she was pretty. As a young girl, she thought maybe one of her little sister’s dresses would do the trick; after all, Lily was constantly being told how pretty _she_ was. As she grew up, she resigned to hiding her unflattering attributes, arriving to the conclusion that she probably didn’t have any of the flattering kind.

Her fingers traced a line from her belly down and back again.

Her flesh was beginning to wrinkle. Even her fingers were slightly shaky as they continued to trace the lines and curves of her body. She touched her breasts. In spite of the water holding them up, her breasts felt drained, as if time had emptied them and only the skin remained. She took a nipple between her fingers and pinched as hard as she could which made her back arch involuntarily. They might be drained but she could still feel them. She pinched again to be sure.

_He was angry, Petunia could see that. Two hours had already gone by and Lily was nowhere to be seen. She watched him pace around the room and thought she knew exactly how he felt.  Something inside her longed to make him feel better, to erase the unworthiness that her sister was making him feel. Lily, perfect, beautiful Lily, had also the ability to make everyone else around her feel unworthy, vulgar, mediocre… alone. Petunia understood this feeling more than anyone in the world…_

_She must have been staring, because Severus suddenly looked at her, a kind of realization washing over him. The look turned then into something much darker and undecipherable and just as quickly he threw himself towards Petunia and pushed her harshly against the wall, both of his hands on her neck, making it extremely difficult for her to breathe._

_"She is not coming, is she?" he hissed. "What is it that you think you're playing at?"_

_"What?" is what she wanted to say, but only a muffled whimper came out of her mouth._

_He relaxed his grip slightly, still pinning her against the wall. “WHY. DID. YOU. LIE. TO ME?” he repeated, stressing each word._

_“I didn’t…” she tried again, her gaze accidently dropping to his lips. They were so close._

_Then both of his hands left her as he took as step back in horror. “You…? Did you…?”_

_What felt to Petunia like an eternity passed, as Severus looked at her in disgust and she was busy trying not to panic, before he spoke again. "Take it off," he barked suddenly, signalling her skirt._

_She would have obliged, she wanted to oblige, but before she had time to understand what was going on, he had already ripped it off of her and two fingers had already found their way inside her._

_He slammed her hard against the wall as he bit and sucked her neck and pushed his fingers inside of her, over and over again._

_“Is that what you wanted?” Slam. “Is it?”_

_Petunia had never felt so much pain in her life. So much pain and pleasure at the same time._

 

Petunia’s hand slowly crawled down her crotch and felt the slick wetness settling in her centre; enough to be unaffected by the water that would ordinarily wash it away. Her middle finger played shyly with the bundle of nerves that was throbbing in anticipation.

 

 _It didn’t take long before Severus’s pants dropped to the floor and she was being penetrated for the very first time in her life. It hurt like hell and she saw blood running down her thigh, but she didn’t care. No one had ever so much as looked at her. No one had even cared about her, not her parents, not her sister, and certainly not a boy. Everyone was always looking at Lily. Well this time was different. Whatever he might feel for Lily,_ _she_ _was the one who_ had _him. For the first time in her life, she felt alive._

Petunia’s fingers were now moving frenetically against her clit. She closed her eyes trying to remember how it felt… to be alive. One of her fingers slipped inside her, then two, three, up to four fingers that came in and out of her, rubbing her thumb against her swollen bud every time she thrust her hand into her core.

_He pulled out of her and made her turn around, making her bend over a chair as he penetrated her again from behind. It was like a pathetic imitation of one of those dreadful magazines she had seen the boys at school look at, except that she was fairly certain that Severus’s rough mangling of her breasts was far from erotic and the chair pressed against her stomach hurt so much that she had difficulty breathing. He continued to slam himself against her until he suddenly collapsed against her, spilling himself inside of her. A few moments later, he was gone._

_Petunia sat on the floor, naked and bruised, breathing heavily as she watched the door close behind the man who had stolen her virginity… and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on._

A voice coming from downstairs took her out of her reverie. She froze; her fingers stopped moving as she tried to make out the words that were coming from the kitchen; something about Dudley going out to play and Vernon being hungry.

“I will be down in a moment, dear! And take the big green coat, sweetums. It’s frighteningly cold outside!” She paused, trying to focus, “and don’t go too far, Duddy!! Dear, tell him not to go too far!” Petunia yelled; her slightly shaky voice betraying her otherwise cheery tone.

The voices quieted down and she heard the door shut. Petunia relaxed a little and her fingers slipped from inside her. She sat up enough to reach the shower that was laying between her feet and unscrewed the end so that the water would come out at a higher pressure. She proceeded to turn the water on and routinely spread her legs apart, aiming the water jet right to her core.

_The breath caught in Petunia’s throat when he saw him standing in front of her doorway. After so many years, she certainly wasn’t expecting to see_ him _again._

_But there he was; a faint scornful look on his face._

_“What…” The words wouldn’t come out. “What are_ you _doing here?” She finally uttered._

 _“Yes. It’s a pleasure to see_ you _, too.” He said flatly._

 _It took her a moment to fully apprehend the situation. She was now Mrs. Dursley and he… he was a_ wizard. _She turned around to see if Vernon could see them; Vernon would definitely not be pleased having a wizard in his house and she… she wasn’t the same Petunia fascinated by magic she once had been. Whatever it was that he was after, she wasn’t about to give in to him._

 _“I am awfully sorry but I’ve got a thousand errands to tend to, I’m afraid this isn’t a good time for a visit. I’m afraid there will_ be _no such good time for a visit of this kind. Good bye,” she said as she closed the door in front of him, rather proud of herself for having shown such firmness._

 _“Mrs. Dursley,” he said, a humorless smile on his lips as he stopped the closing door and let himself inside. “Mrs. Dursley, Mrs. Dursley… Where are your manners? Poor tragic Petunia. Almost beautiful in her own mugglish way.” He added, running a hand through her curls. “Always in her sister’s shadow.” Petunia swallowed. He looked much paler than when she had last seen him and his eyes were empty, hollow. “I expect you were even kind of glad to hear she died… No, don’t move. You know how much I..._ cared _for her, don’t you?” Petunia nodded, “How much I still do.”_

_“Is that why you’re here? The boy…” Petunia begun._

_“Not so dim after all. I trust you're taking care of him?” He said, dragging his words just a little longer than seemed necessary._

_“Yes!” She said defensively, “I_ am _taking care of him! That Dumble- whatever his name was, made me swear! He made me swear I would protect him. I_ am _taking care of him.”_

 _“Good.” He said, though he didn't look particularly happy. “That’s very good, Mrs. Dursley. No reason to fret. And you’ll_ continue _to take care of him, isn't that so?” He added, the hand on her hair moving down to her neck to bring Petunia’s chin closer to his menacing glare. All Petunia could do was nod slightly against his hand._

_Suddenly, a rumbling noise interrupted their moment and she panicked._

_“Well, it looks like the whole family is here.” He said, not retrieving his hand. "Your sweet husband, is it?"_

_She nodded curtly. The last thing she could afford was her husband seeing Severus Snape at the door. Finally, Severus released her and she let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she had been holding._

_"Do not fail her," he said, as he turned his back to her and strode away._

She looked at her own spread legs, the jet of water disappearing between her thighs. She brought her hand up to her breasts again, kneading them like he used to, and then further up her neck where he would suck and bite until it nearly bled. She used to say her allergies were back and Vernon never failed to believe her.

_That same night, while she listened to her husband snore, a dark shadow planted itself near her bedside. She followed it to the bathroom and locked the door behind them._

_Before any of them could say anything, he crushed her lips to his mouth, sucking hard, undressing her as he kissed her._

_The first time he had been rough, he had hurt her purposefully, had barely even said a word. This is why it surprised her when this time he whispered in her ear “I_ want _you, Petunia. You’re not her. She was beautiful. She was magic. She was perfect. You’re exactly the opposite, Petunia. And that’s why I want you.”_

_And although those weren’t exactly the words she had longed for as a child, those were good enough for her now. Someone wanted her. Severus wanted her. That was good enough for her._

 

She felt the water fill her up as her inner muscles resisted to the intrusion, clenching involuntarily, making her legs tremble and her toes curl. Her breath quickened. She pressed the tip of her middle finger against her anus because that’s what he did to her, and she shook her finger feverishly, making her whole body spasm. The combination of the water against her clit and the sporadic movements of the finger pressed against her, quickly started building that familiar sensation that made her cheeks flush and her stomach shudder; that sensation that rushed from the tips of her toes to her centre and then back to her toes again, forcing her to stop breathing entirely.

She shivered and spasmed as the last waves of her orgasm took over and she lost control of the shower that started flooding the bathroom floor. Still shaky and somewhat dizzy, she turned the water off and sat back against the tub.

 

_The visits at first were rather frequent. He would show up when she least expected it and wherever she least expected it. He would always do the same thing; he would come from behind and cover her mouth with his hand so that she wouldn’t alert anyone of his presence. He would then make her turn around and press his lips against her, hungrily devouring her mouth, her tongue, her earlobe, her neck... Sometimes he would whisper her name; sometimes he would whisper Lily’s. She didn’t care; she had come to assume her sister’s part in this. She knew what drew him to her was the blood she shared with Lily. The same blood that was responsible for the safety of her nephew. She both resented and embraced this part of her. Now that her sister was dead, Lily could only live through her and she almost took pride in the power that gave her._

_At the same time, Lily’s boy was a reminder of all she could never have. Of the other half that Lily took with her to the grave: love. Her parents’ love. Severus’ love…_

_But Petunia had promised to take care of him and she did, in her own way, she took care of him. She kept him safe. Not because of Dumbledore and his threats, not even because of her sister, who had never done anything for her anyway, but because of Severus. Because she knew he would lose him if she lost that part of Lily that Harry represented._

_On his last visit, two years ago, he had been particularly quiet. He hadn’t whispered any names, not her name, not her sister’s name, and as they both climaxed to the rhythm they had come to master so well, Petunia realized he was crying. Not overtly, not loud sobbing, just silent tears that Petunia could taste on her lips. She had never seen him cry. She realized, now, there was so much she didn’t know about him… She would have liked to reach out to him, to ask him what was troubling him, but scared he would pull away if she broke the silence, she said nothing. Nothing was said._

_And he never came back._

 

“ _Broken_.” He used to say, _“we’re broken, Petunia_ ”. She knew she was broken, she had felt broken all of her life, as far as she could recall, but when she found out the news of his death, that’s when the final piece broke in two.

She was now the remaining half of two broken souls, the remaining half of two lost shadows in the dark.

Petunia dismissively dried the one tear rolling down her cheek and stood up, the water running down the length of her body as she retrieved her bathrobe. She watched as the water drained in circles from the tub and waited until it was all gone.

“I will be down in a heartbeat, dear!” She piped, putting on a smile and closing the door behind her.

 _Never turn back, Petunia._ She told herself. _Whatever you do, never look back to the broken pieces behind you._

 

 

 

 

_* * *_

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ. Jan. 9th, 2010.


End file.
